1. |
Saint
03:12
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First he built me
Then he broke me
He gave me breath and
Then he choked me
He said he’d give me something
Real to cry about
Instead he
Gave me something big
To lie about
But then you say he’s a saint
Aa-ah
I sit here without complaints
Aa-ah
You all think he’s a saint
Aa-ah
So hallelujah
I learned to walk
She learned to tiptoe
And she was there
But I felt alone
'Cause every time I
Cried too hard or I
Screamed out in fear
She would only say
Please stop
What if the neighbours hear?
And she said that
He couldn’t help it
If I had known pain like him
I would be just like him
She said that
He couldn’t help it
If I had known pain like him
I would be just like him x2
He’s a saint
cause he pays to fix
Everything that he’s broken
He’s a saint
‘Cause she swears
He’s never meant
A word he’s spoken
He’s a saint
Gave me breakfast
Gave me braces
Gave me money
Showed me grace
When he offered to
Kill himself instead of me
He's a saint, aa-ah
You all think he's a saint, aa-ah
So hallelujah
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2. |
Happy Family
03:16
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Chorus:
I’ve got a happy family
I’ve got a broken home
I’ve got a happy family
I’ve got a broken home
Don’t judge, don’t judge
Don’t think you know more than us
Don’t judge, don’t judge
Tell me that you’re just like us
I was a such a sweet girl
But my temper
Was ugly for my gender
That’s what I remember
I was such a shy girl
Scared and silent
But when I was angry
I would turn to violence
And every time I’d act like that
They’d say she’s spoiled brat
Hey, way to downplay
The fact that when they flew off the
handle
I was learning from example, oh!
Chorus
I was such a strange girl
Full of wonder
But I fell for boys who
Drained me of my colour
I became a sick girl
Good for nothing
It runs in the family
I should have seen it coming
And when I fell into depression
Then they’d start with the confessions
Like see, this isn’t on me
I didn’t even want kids ‘cause
I knew you’d be like this, oh!
Chorus
I live in fight or flight
You can’t just terrorize
A little girl and then expect
That she’ll turn out all right
I live in guilt and shame
You can’t always complain
That you failed as a parent ‘cause
That shit gets stuck
Inside my brain
Chorus
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3. |
The Curse
02:59
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I never had a loud voice, they used to
Say I sounded like a baby bird
And when I spoke up you could
Barely even hear the words
So I would choke instead
I never meant to keep a secret
But my silence was convenient
Now I’m feeling mad
Because I’m learning to get louder
As I’m growing older
And I lived through every time
I wished my life was over
Now I want to live in peace but if I
Never get to talk about the curse
It’s always gonna hurt
Chorus:
Hush little baby
Why don’t you make me
I’m about to shout the words
That nobody’s been saying
Hush little girl, don’t say a word
Well I’m about to tell the stories
Nobody has heard
And I won’t keep it to myself
I won’t keep it to myself
I feel the secrets on my tongue
And now they’re spilling out my
mouth
Spilling out my mouth
I won't keep it to myself
It’s in my blood, I was taught to be
ashamed of who I come from
Because we're losers, we are always
the unlucky ones
We never talk about what made us
hate us so we never
Break the bonds that suffocate us
Tell me 'bout the curse
The reason why it only rains
When we show up
The reason why my flowers die
And my bands break up
The reason why I won’t be happy
When I’m all grown up
And everybody hates us, talks behind
Our backs, humiliates us, make it
stop I just can’t take this!
Chorus
You didn’t mean to pass it down a
generation, it’s the truth that stops
our pessimist imaginations
You are all his broken pieces and
We are all your broken pieces and
The truth is gonna liberate us
So don’t keep it to yourself
Don’t keep it to yourself
You feel the secrets on your tongue
And now they’re spilling out your
mouth
Spilling out your mouth
I won't keep it to myself
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4. |
Make It Work
02:40
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If you wanted nice songs
You should have acted like a grown up
No screaming bloody murder
No empty threats to blow the house up
I didn't want it to it to be like this
I wanted to forgive and forget but fuck it
I wasn't gonna let it out
Until way after both of you had kicked the bucket
But you gave me a piano
You never thought I'd get a microphone
You were counting on my silence
While you were screaming in our quiet home
So I pushed it down
'Til it hurt
Now I'll spit it out
I'll make it work
You gave me pen and paper
You also gave me the material
No more writing in a notebook
I'm letting everybody hear it all
I own all my stories
And I get to be the heroine
And when I tell my stories
I decide who the villain is
Please don't blame yourself
You were sick and no one got you help
But you've got to let me
Get this out
So I pushed it down
'Til it hurt
Now I'll spit it out
I'll make it work
So I pushed it down
'Til it hurt
Now I'll spit it out
I'll make it work
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5. |
Villain
03:11
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I have never been the hero
No, I have always been
The damsel in distress
Cause that’s what I do best
I look innocent and broken in my
Cotton summer dress
But then this wild pain animates me
Makes me sick
And I don’t know wrong from right
This wild pain animates me
Makes me sick
And now I am the villain
Right from the start
He wasn’t the one in my heart
But I was falling apart
When I felt empty I’d send him a text
We’d eat and he’d pick up the cheque
Then after sex I’d have a panic attack
Alone in the bath
Calling in vain for my ex
And when he stood up for himself, I
Took all the plates off the shelf
Smashed them while screaming
Like father like daughter
I felt like a monster
The anger was stronger than me
Boy, you're insignificant
Clueless and ignorant
I’m a tornado
You happened to witness
This is much bigger than you,
Do we need to review?
I’m the girl that you knew
Had a death wish, a brain glitch,
my mind is real bitch
my mind is real bitch and
who the hell are you?
But then this wild pain animates me
Makes me sick
And I don’t know wrong from right
This wild pain animates me
Makes me sick
And now I am the villain
I come from trauma
Raised in drama
I can’t be fixed with
Marijuana
I come from trauma
Raised in drama
I can’t be fixed with
Marijuana
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6. |
Lady
03:32
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I’m old enough to be a vixen
I’m old enough to play the victim
I’m old enough to stay the night
But I’m still the little girl who needs a
lullaby, lullaby
I’m old enough to be a bride
Oh, I could be somebody’s wife
But I live in my own little world
My friends are walking down the aisle
And I am still the flower girl
So help me, help me
I am just a child in the body of a lady
And I am so afraid of who I’m
Turning into lately
Turning into lately
Whoo-o-oo-o-oo
So help me, help me
I am just a child in the body of a lady
And I am so afraid of who I’m
Turning into lately
Turning into lately
Whoo-o-oo-o-oo
I don't want to be a mom
Until I find my inner calm
Because I was the kind of daughter
Who cried until her parents couldn't
Hold their heads above the water
I could make a tiny human
The thought of that is all-consuming
But how would I know what to do
If they scream I'll be screaming too
The Family Curse, I'm not immune
So help me, help me
I am just a child in the body of a lady
And I am so afraid of who I’m
Turning into lately
Turning into lately
Whoo-o-oo-o-oo
So help me, help me
I am just a child in the body of a lady
And I am so afraid of who I’m
Turning into lately
Turning into lately
Whoo-o-oo-o-oo
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7. |
Cautionary Tale
04:00
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I can’t remember if I’m smart
It’s been so long since I passed a
Test with flying colours
Letter grades were
Such a comfort
And I’m staring straight
into the void
I’ve gambled all I’ve got on a
Career in making noise
I’m trying to listen to my
Inner voice
I think I’m doing the wrong
is it supposed to feel like this
I think I’m doing this wrong
I think I’m doing the wrong
I think I’m doing the wrong
Am I supposed to feel like shit?
I think I’m doing this wrong
I think I’m doing this wrong
I’m so good at making bad choices
x3
And now I am a cautionary tale
I need to be under supervision
Because I cannot stop spending
My money on stupid, big decisions
What a waste of my ambition
Nobody thought that
I'd drop out
I’ve got my relatives
counting their blessings
'Cause their kid’s an accountant
They can’t believe my mom
Allowed it
What if I got it all wrong
I think I made a mess of this
What if I got it all wrong
What if I got it all wrong
What if I got it all wrong
I’m so bad at this, I quit
What if I got it all wrong
What if I got it all wrong
I’m so good at making bad choices
x3
And now I am a cautionary tale
Listen to your parents
Stay in school, play by the rules
Don't you want a condo with a
Hot tub and a pool? x2
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8. |
I Promise
03:58
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I promise I will walk you there
I’ll keep your spine
Straight in your chair
I will hold your eyes half open
I will take you through the motions
If you let me
I promise I will comb your hair
And pick out something nice to wear
The darkness you feel
When you wake up
I’ll hide it under all your makeup
If you let me
So don’t let go, promise me
Don’t let go
Don’t let go, promise me
Don’t let go
I promise I will fight them all
The bullies and the cortisol
I'll tower over trolls and cheaters
In my seven-inch
High heeled pleasers
If you let me
Hold on until your knuckles are white
I know we'll make it through the night
Just breathe and look at
Something solid
And I'll be right here if you want me
like I promised
So don’t let go, promise me
Don’t let go
Don’t let go, promise me
Don’t let go
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9. |
Hospital Bed
04:43
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I don’t believe in God
But I know there’s a devil in me
That’s what I told the doctor
The nurses took my clothes and keys
I didn’t take that many,
I only want to go to sleep
That’s what I told the doctor
Somebody called security
On me-e
Uncross my heart
Hope not to die
Help me save my own life
Help me save my own life
Help me save my own life
They say the charts are normal
They say that I am free to go
But I’ve never been normal
I guess that’s shows how much they know
Uncross my heart
Hope not to die
Help me save my own life
Help me save my own life
Help me save my own life
I let my worst days put me in a
hospital bed
I let my worst thoughts
Tell me I'd be better off dead
Yeah-ah-ah
Uncross my heart
Hope not to die
Help me save my own life
Help me save my own life
Help me save my own life x2
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10. |
Better
03:53
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You don't have to apologize
I'm old enough to empathize
How did they get things so wrong?
They'll still say that when I am gone.
You never had to fight a war
I didn't have to grow up poor
You didn't drink and I'm so grateful
But I take pills to keep me stable
I appreciate the good things that I got
But we both know
This is not where it should stop
I know very well,
When you grew up it was hell
But you did your best
And where you messed up
I will try so hard to do it
Better, better, better, better
(Better ‘cause of you I think I
Know what I can do to make it)
Better, better, better, better
(Better ‘cause of you I think I
Know what I can do to make it)
Better, better, better, better
(Better ‘cause of you I think I
Know what I can do to make it)
Better, better, better, better
(Better ‘cause of you I think I
Know what I can do to make it)
I wish you wouldn’t make believe
But I don't have to make you see
I know you think that silence is best
But this can’t wait until you’re dead
I never raised my mother’s child
You never had your dreams run wild
I’m still alive because you helped
Now you need to help yourself
I appreciate the good things that I got
But we both know
This is not where it should stop
I know very well,
When you grew up it was hell
But you did your best
And where you messed up
I will try so hard to do it
Better, better, better, better
(Better ‘cause of you I think I
Know what I can do to make it)
Better, better, better, better
(Better ‘cause of you I think I
Know what I can do to make it)
Better, better, better, better
(Better ‘cause of you I think I
Know what I can do to make it)
Better, better, better, better (x4)
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Sarah Jickling and her Good Bad Luck Vancouver, British Columbia
manic depressive pixie dream girl
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